Dear Brother

P/s: this post is written in a letter format

Dear Brother,

Its been almost 19 years we've been together. We shared good memories as we grew up. Bitter and sweet. Mostly being scolded by mom. But sweet. I always thought you were cool. Still is. Everything I do is just a failed attempt to be like you. You had many friends. You have great fashion sense. You even look good. You were my goal as I grew up. Every time I achieve something you didn't, I always screamed in my heart, and being hyper happy all day long. My only success so far is at academics. I wont be rubbing anything in.

As I grew up, I also developed my own personality due to reaching my puberty and teenage life at SDAR. In the package comes also a different way of thinking. It gave be sights on things that I never noticed before. And the first thing I notice is that we are totally different. The way we talk, joke, wear, think, see, even interests.

I find myself having much difficulty talking to you. I dont want you to think that I'm not cool. Its the same problem with all my family members. I dont feel that bond of eternal family/friendship. I know its there. I can see what it makes them do. I even notice myself doing it. But I just dont feel it. I find myself beeing all hypocrite to you and our family. Saying what you want to hear, doing what you want me to do, respond the way I should respond. All half heartedly. I dont even know why.

Since you've been studying in Singapore, I have seen much less of you (same to you). But when you came to do internship at Batu Caves, I didnt know how to respond. I was not happy, but scared that you will find out who I really am. I was scared that I could keep my posture when you're that close. You acted like a true brother, and I acted like one, but my heart didnt.

I still think you're the closest person to a celebrity that I know of. And I still am trying to be you. I try to talk like you (resulting in my very weird way of talking), dress like you (borrowing your cloths and wearing baggy pants), and be more social like you (hence the more friendly act).  Upon writing this I could say, that I love you as a brother and a family... but I dont think I can repeat myself anytime I wanted to.

My brother, imagination eye version

Apparently, I got custody of the car for another week. I think I pissed my brother off.