Forward

i want to go forward
but i dont know why

i know i want to stay
because of love and regret
but the ones i should love, i dont
and the ones that shouldnt, i did

why do i even want to go forward
for who?
for what?
for me?
what did i want to achive?

what i say is what i should say
whats not said is what i want

i know i cant stop
but i cant find a reason to rush
if i go slow i will fall
then what?


damn rambling again
dont mind this post
its what happens when i wake up and take a long bath

today was cloudy with a slight rain
got 8/10 for math quiz
buzy, but it feels just right...

Thought

i should be sleeping
dis is wat happens when u have acces to unlimited intrnt

esk nk gi wat akaun cimb
hrp2 cek dah dpt
ckup la nyusahkn parents beli laptop bru

am i a gud friend
even i know that im not
i hurt people dat would never hurt me
i am more hypocrite than malaysian politicians
i even do thing never to be forgiven for

but when you reach a certain level of hypocracy
add a little lonelyness
a pinch of carefree
and a spoonful of kindness in the heart
and you get
a lier who lies to himself so that everyone else feels good

the plus; people like you, many friends,etc
the minus; you dont like yourself, you wont even know who you are, etc
but above all,
ur happy
in a wierd way

a friend of mine is suffering deeply in his heart
nothing that i do will affect him(my fault)
what others help him(if they did) also gave no effect
some others(most of them) caused his condition

if this keeps up
i may not clear my biggest thorn-in-the-heart
for he may be lost
and with that i will be extremely sad
it means nothing to him what i say
but it is my only way-to write

if you know this blog exist
if you still recognize me
please
live

if you lost something dear to you
it means
you will recieve something better

MSU dihatiku

finally jmpe internet
dah 2 minggu dah kt msu.
arini first time blaja
sronok gak...

hidup msu:
asrama di okla
beberape belas km dri msu 2 sndiri(2 jam jln kaki, dah try...)
sblh 2 ade McD
die mcm dok apartmen la...ade 3 bilk..
aku nyer umah ade 2 org je[pttnyer 8] n slebihnyer msuk arini[bdk jpa]
heharapla diorang bebaek..

ckp psl baek...
sume bdk batch aku ebaek..
Skim Plajae Cemerlang kan..
yg paling otai pon lah yang paling baek..
yg paling nerd pon[aku la] yg bersocial dgn bbdk otai[seemingly]
bdk ponpuan pon sng ckp ngan aku..
orientasi abg2 2 sume bebaek[interesting]
Kumpulan orientasi aku "Felis Domestica"
happening gile group 2
jmpe ex zul lak dlm kmpuln 2...
n ketue group aku la yg mng anugerah plg trlibt[aku x contribute pon]

kt umah slalu aku try lepak dgn umah bebudk yg "otai" ni
diorng social gile
jurang sosial xde pon
yg klik pon mcm 'open klik'[sesape bleh join]
slalu aku lepak si2
n aku slalu blaja soft skil dgn diorng[ini ditekankan olh pres MSU]
aku blaja rubix cube[dah 3 kali siap]
aku blaja jugling[x maju2 pratice 24 jam]
aku blaja maen snuker[kene puji 'ade akat']
dan selebihyer

tpi sini kene byk gak blanje..
kos hidup di shah alam scare statistiknyer tinggi
makan sehari rm10[kalau mkn 2 kali je]
duit biasiswa pon blom msk
dah 120 dah aku abeskn
huhu
quote;"I will survive"
i hope...

anyway
intrnet is a hard find
ade kat library..
tpi blom dpt kad id lgi
so xleh gi lelame[aku je yg ckp cmni]
n sume org ade laptop
xde pon wireless kt asrama 2[wisma Majlis Agame Islam Slangor]
tpi kt McD ade[byr rm5 utk password]
pc kt library die block facebook, myspace, friendstr.....etc
biala
nnti dah jmpe CC btol nnri aku update...

most of my friends dah msk u dah
minggu lps santa n manjong msk
Gudluck you'alls
blaja leklok ye...

dahla 2
nk bwat nota previous klas
smoge kite jmpe lgi dgn teknologi internet
Gambate n Happy Wednesday!

"sume org 'genius', cume 'genius dlm ape?"
quoted by Amin at sdar...huahahaha

It pains me

i went to picc for the wind orkestra final...
i saw many people..
thou i am happy to see them...
by the end of the day, it didnt feel good

people who avoid you...
people who like you but you dont...
people who wants you but u didnt give...
people who's sad but u cant do anyting 2 help...
and the pain of regretting the chances you had...

"say 'yes' when you want it deep inside"(Yes Man 2009)
or regret it forever

I just learned a new prase

i was watching FRIENDS...
n Rachel Said it...

"erotically charged"
which is college term for "horny"
hahaha

anyway,
I'm trying to finish watching all 10 season of FRIENDS..
hope I can make it before 23rd
currently in season 8...

Shopping in Jusco

Niat nk beli kasut sukan..
alang alang nk beli kasut jalan
slame ni aku x brsukan pon,
n nk gi jalan aku pakai kasut abg aku yg lawa tpi ketat n selepas 3 jam aku pakai msti rse sakit...

tnye la santa mane nk beli kasut..die kate kt al-ikhsan..or area jusco...
mase smpai jsco tgk la kedai al-ikhsan 2...yg belah ke jsco ttp, so pgi la yg oppesite die...mase nk lalu 2 kene lalu kt satu alley ni...lalu restoran mamak kt alley 2...tgk ade 3 org jaga jusco...diorng stare je aku...xtaula aku trlebeh pakai mekap ke, baju seksi ke, zip x ttp ke, tpi diorng stare aku la...agaknyer sume polis or jaga mase kem telah dibedah dan dipasang mate elektronik buatan yg bleh x-ray n analisis jenayah org pndang cm2 je...tpi aku dah ddk 5 thn kt skolah yg penuh dgn 'radioaktif' pelbagai jenis, so agaknyer badan aku ade gangguan x-ray die...diorng stare sbb x dpt analisis bdk ni yg muke pnuh mekap, baju seksi, n x ttp zip ni...akhirnyer dilepaskn je sbb dah asume bdk 2 nk pegi or balek dri date dgn balak die, n diorng x nk pk lebeh lgi sbb xnk hilang selere makan...

mase masuk jusco tros pgi kedai bata sbb x puas tgk kt al-ikhsan...kt bata aku tgk2 la kasut kt si2, berusehe cari yg murah...nmpk la kasut yg berkenan, try la pakai...x muat..minx akak 2 amik saiz laen...pakai yg 2, pas2 testingla...aku lompat la, tendang la, shuffle la...ade bdk sblah 2 dgn mak die tgk aku ps2 pstikn die 1 meter jauh dri aku mase jalan...mak die lak tgk aku, trsenyum..kalau bkn sbb kitorang dalam kedai, sure aku dah dapat rm1 sbgai derme...las2 aku beli 2 kasut, satu utk sukan, satu utk berjalan2 bersame society yg unik di seluruh dunie dan habitatnyer adalah di kawasan dgn high concentration or kedai, species yg gravity memberi efek berlebihan kepade mate diorg dan diorng terpakse pandang dan nilai kaki org mase shoping.....

sblm 2 beli tuale...sesape bdk batch yg searas dgn aku tau bahawe aku punye tuale adelah besar(mcm kaen pelikat tebal)...so aku xnk la bwk bnde 2 ke MSU...bayangkan kalau aku bwk...
lepas sume org dah brsiap kemas n pegi orientasi, sume org sidai tuale kt ampaian...mase balek orientasi, tgk ade bebudak kecoh, siap ade pnsharah, jaga, ustat pon ade...rupenyer ade budak pompuan kt hostel laki...ps2 mase bdk balek riadah, lalu ampaian, trus cpt2 gi bilik mandi sbb nk tgk pompuan trbogel dlm toilet laki sbb diorng dah amik towel die mase die mandi...xtau la penah ade kes pompuan dlm asrama laki... or kes seorang pompuan yg disebabkan barah payu dare, mate die jadi sngt rabun, kedue2 bebannye telah di'surgically removed',dan dalam mase 0.5 saat berjaye memandulkan berpuluh2 bdk lelaki lepas keluar bilik mandi mandi....
anyway aku beli tuale 30x60(x bsr) kaler peach, bkn sbb aku suke kale 2(kot) tpi sbb 2 je tuale yg ok saiz dan kain die kt si2(dan juge sbb ade promo,9.90 je!)...

pas2 aku gi nk beli boxer...sblm 2 aku tgk la arcade yg ade kt dlm jusco 2(yg sblh section baju2) ...nmpk la ade sorang laki ni maen game yg shoot basketball cpt2 2...aku tgk hebat gile die...ape yg menariknye, setiap kali die baling ade 95% chance bola die masuk, mcm hoop 2 ade magnet n bola 2 besi...hebat...dlm satu game die dpt 388 markh...tinggi gile kot....bile die nk bla, aku tgk die pakai baju kemeje ofis, siap ade suitcase lgi....bayangkan sbnrnyer sume org ade bakat tersmbunyi yg brlawann dengan profesyen or minat mereke....org ofis boleh shoot basketball 100% msk... seorang programer gemok nerd sbnrnyer seorang polis yg keje mcm cite Die Hard... seorang pekerje dining sbnrnye dulu bioweapon kerajaan malaysia yg boleh membunuh org dgn renungannyer dan kemudian menjadi inspirasi kpd cite x-men... seorang cikgu yg sbnrnyer seorang penyanyi terkenal yg sgt merdu suarenyer hingge bercakap sje boleh mnyebbkn org tidur... huuu...that would be fun...
anyway i bought 4 boxers(promo,2pc pack)...

ps2 jmpe yusuf jadid n rakan2nyer yg aku same ade x knal, or aku x nmpk, or diorang telah bwat pmbedahan plastik demi aku x knal diorang....

ps2 aku makan pizzahut sesorang n balek umah...

nice day...
saw many 'interesting' people...
bought stuff without using my money(da best part)...
n i am still alive to write about it...
HAPPY WEDNESDAY!!!

I have a problem

I am supposed to wat medical checkup for nk msk MSU...
Then jiran aku pulak kate alang2 aku nk pegi, bwk la ank die skali...

Anak die ni pompuan...
Bkn nk kate die hodoh ke, die lawa(i think so)
Cume, disebabkan seluruh puberty aku dihabiskan di sekolah laki,
dan kali prtame aku jmpe pompuan sejak puberty is in form4
itupon utk kem...
So i have dis huge shyness with girls...
I think that everytime girls se a guy near them, they will think:
"ape jeling2?!", or
"hot nyer aku...",or
"laki ni nak ngorat aku ke x?!"
Its like every men must act 'balak'ish with every women...

Even worst, medical checkup 2 dah la kene tnggu pnjang...
Orang biase akn rase untung gile...
Leh dok dgn pompuan lawa, anak jiran, stil single, n kenalan kekecik...
But i dont...
Aku xnak.....
Xkn nk ckp kt die aku xnk gi ngan die sbb sgan kot?
Nnti die pk aku ni ske die or someting,
n parents die pk betape cilakak nyer anak misri 2....

*i hate things that is pushed on to me..
**but i like things that is offered(hav choice to accept or reject)